Friday, February 27, 2009

In a Very Special Episode......

Today, for the first time, I am going to be talking about what is, to an Australian, the whacky and even slightly alarming world of


Okay, so I think I have mentioned many times before that I am Australian, so obviously we don't hear anything much about USA college gymnastics scene.  But a few years ago when I was doing some volunteering in Massachusetts, I discovered that college gymnastics was televised and I was so excited.  So this is where all the gymnast went after they did or didn't make an Olympic team!

College gymnastics is a very strange affair to me.  In fact all American high school and college sport behaviour (as seen on tv and in the movies of course) is a little weird for Aussies.  You have to understand that Australians love their sport, but it is very, very different here because we don't really have the whole college thing.  We don't have cheerleaders.  We don't have pep rallies (what are they anyway?  And tailgate parties?  Huh?) We don't have crowds at university sports events, let alone press coverage.  We don't even have popular, crowd-pulling womens sports- not enough to be televised at least.  Women's tennis and swimming are popular, but only really when part of big tournaments or at the Olympics and Commonwealth games. Gymnastics is rarely seen at all.  

And we certainly don't have anything like NCAA gymnastics with its colours, crowds, hairdos ,music and hip hop floor routines.  
 Basically, it was a whole new world to me.   
I am pretty sure it was a Gym dogs meet I saw that day in the states.  The insane atmosphere, the sight of so many familiar gymnast's faces and the old ten score got me intrigued straight away  and since then I have done my best to follow NCAA via Youtube and the individual colleges websites.  (It sure helps that more Australians have been recruited into the systems.  It makes it even more exciting to hear about how Olivia Vivian is doing or that Chloe Sims is continuing her career!)

Of course, the team I see most of is the Gymdogs.  Not surprising considering they seem to have ALL the money, ALL the fans and therefore ALL the media coverage.  I can't not like them.  They look like they are having a great time, which i guess isn't hard when you have plush dorms, a ridiculously fitted-out gym and one of the best college team records out there.  Grace Taylor and the Two Courtney's routines makes me really happy.  I am a long time fans of the Courts.  To me Kupets hasn't changed a bit (her floor routines are still spazzy and she looks and sounds and injures the same) but Courtney McCool is definitely different. She is so composed and cool (no pun intended) these days.  I always though she'd be a bit of a geek when she got older, but there is something really hip and chilled about her.

 I also love how Abby Stack and Taylor make me giggle in all those hilarious Georgia vids on Youtube where they are charging around doing their daggy but cute little dances.  And i ADORED Katie Heenan.  I think she had one of the most infectious spirits in the sport and I miss her lots.
I'm a bit of a Gators fan too.  I will always gun for Rhonda Faehn to have a successful coaching career because her gymnastics one was so catastrophic at times.  I love, love love Corey Hartungs floor routine (I wish they'd all quit the gator chop though.  It irks me- but maybe i just don't get the whole college cheer thing) and I like, on a deeply shallow note, that they often wear blue.

But the team that has my college-gymnastics-lovin' heart has got to be...

The Bruins!

So today's post is dedicated to reasons why I love that gang from UCLA.

For starters, Valorie Konos-Fields is one of the most fascinating NCAA coaches for having come so late to the gymnastics part of her career.  Her dance background is part of what has made the UCLA floor set legendary though.  She also has a terrific eye for recruitment.  She talks less sports psycho-babble than Suzanne Yoculan which I appreciate  AND she sounds like a bit of a secret softy.  Ex- WOGA gymnasts Allison Jones said in an interview that when she called "Miss Val" to tell her she was accepting the scholarship, Val cried.  Kinda Sweet.

UCLA have had two of my all time favorite U.S gymnasts in their line up at one point or another.  Tasha Schwikert and Mohini Bhardwaj.  Hell, they nabbed Mohini before she was Olympic captain!  The Queen of Atitude, Tasha Schwikert had a ridiculously good career at UCLA, winning multiple AA titles as well as event titles and perfect tens on both bars and floor at times whilst maintaining her usual sass.  Mohini had one of the most gorgeous floor routines in Bruins history, with fantastic extension moves, an interesting mix of tricks as well as her usual kick- @#$ tumbling and reputation for being a bit of a college wildchild.  What can i say, I love the gymnastics bad girls.  They are so few and far between!


I love the UCLA floor routines.  Who could not enjoy the style, the dance and the variety Kondos-Field brings to the floor field?  Each girl's routine is different, and suits not only their abilities, but their body types and temperaments.  Some of Kondos-Field's greatest triumphs have to be Kate Richardson's 2004  routine which won Kate a title and the choreographer an award for its fierce originality. Stella Umeh's experimental routines were gems of their time and Kim Hamilton's guitar screeching modern dance exercise in the late eighties was simply awesome.  
My personal favorite has got to be Alison Stoner's freshman floor routine from 1999 (i think).  She didn't get past her freshman year due to an injury to her knee, but this routine is simply GORGEOUS.  It is very old school- perhaps not as experimental as some of Field's others- but it is beautiful, lyrical and the series of close-to-floor and extension moves are to die for.  This routine could nearly be considered an homage to some of the old Soviet floor stylings it is so reminiscent.  And not only is the choreography divine, but the way Alison moves in and out of the dance into the gymnastics is silky smooth.  There is no sense of the transition as there is with some of even the best Bruins floor workers.  Kudos to both Field and Stoner for this gem.

Speaking of Alison Stoner, one of the particularly entertaining thing about the Bruins has got to be the large proportion of hilarious athlete names!  Alison Stoner sounds so collegiate!  Other favorites of mine are Tauny Fattone which is so fun to say.  Arianna Berlin cos it sounds like the name of some European performance artist.  Heidi Moneymaker was a great one.  It was prescient too, because Heidi has gone on to an illustrious career in stunt doubling in some huge Hollywood films too.  Kristina Comforte!  Kisha Auld!  Aisha Gerber's name has always kinda made me giggle too- not sure why!

Speaking of Aisha, I have always loved how The Bruin management have kind of treated Canada as their own personal recruitment fishing pond.  They have been wise to the rise of Canadian gymnasts for a long time and have reeled in some of the best Canada has had to offer including Ricardson, Umeh, Toussek, Hopfner-Hibbs, Bernholtz, Peckett and Degteva over the years.  Most of these girls have been among the top competitiors for their teams.

And of course, they recruited my favorite Canadian gymnasts ever, and one of my favorite gymnasts period.  Elyse Hopfner-Hibbs.  I have to say, it's been awesome to see Elyse in a college environment.  Her tricks are still world class.  She's been fairly consistent so far.
  She is- perhaps slightly unexpectedly, been kicking some vault butt- but she is doing excellently all-around too.

I  think the greatest thing that has come from her recruitment is that Field, with her wonderful choreography on both beam and floor has channelled some of the intensity that Elyse would perform her routines with ( an intensity that I would argue restricted her from showing much personality) and channelled into her actual choreography, giving her dance a bit of a much-needed edge.  While i am, and you'd know if you'd been reading this blog for long that I am a big fan of Carol Angela Orchard's, I think that was one thing she wasn't able to give Elyse as a coach that Field has.  Her UCLA routines have given her a bit of flair and style to go with her great skills and uncanny ability to recover and correct on beam.

There has alway been a wonderfully exotic mixture of ethnic backgrounds in the UCLA crew too - especially compared to some of the, how shall I put it, blonder teams.  There is of course the Canadian girls.  There is also Anna Li, though born in the U.S, is actually a product of two Chinese Olympic medallists.  The Bruin were also smart enough to recruit Luisa Portocarrera, the exquisite gymnast from Guatemala with the gorgeous lines and beautiful dance who delighted crowds at both Worlds and Olympic Games.  There have been many girls with Japanese backgrounds as well lots of African-American athletes, representing some of the cultural diversity of California.  There was Mohini Bhardwaj, the U.S.A's first Indian-American Olympic medallist.  Hell, they even had the Elena Degteva who was, at twelve years old, the Russian junior National Champion!  I love the mix at UCLA.

As much as I love their floor work, I am also a big fan of the UCLA beam set too.  I wish the girls woud work on their twist dismounts though, because ALL of them look messy in the legs, but I think again, Fields dance background helps find unique ways for them to move on beam between the tricks.  I love Arianna Berlin's mount.  I think Aisha Gerber's split handstand to dismount is so pretty and so old-school.  Some more complex and interesting angles have been put into Hopfner-Hibbs routines while retaining the illusion, the mount and the tumbling we know and love.

My current  favorite might be Nikki Tom's, though (and another funny name!).  I like the whole routine, but i LOVE her pirouette in attitude.  It is very, very pretty.  And on a deeply shallow note, I love her hair.  There is something really cool about the shape of her pony tail!

In fact, lets stay in the shallow end while i discuss another one of my favorite, favorite, favorite things about the Bruins, and it is, that's right folks, the leotards.
I think the Bruins nearly always look fantastic.  Their leos are girly without being cutesy, interesting without being over the top, colourful without being garish and a little bit sassy without being slutty.  And this, I think we know, and the ongoing World's Worst Leotard contest is a testament to, is no mean feat! I like that they often employ the cut-out in the back too.

Also, we have got to have Vanessa Zamarripa's (now that name is just plain impossible!) three-ten-winning vaults on this list now too. That girl's got beautiful form and one heck of a flight on her.  Beautiful!

It could be said that the Bruins have had their heyday and its over. But no, I don't think so. The Bruin management have gotten smart, done some clever recruiting and gone deep. Considering their injury lists that was smart.  Now they have a lot of gymnasts to choose from to put out the best line up. Its working for them this year and I think with their freshman-heavy team, they will only improve over the next couple of years.

Besides, how could you not dig the idea of doing gymnastics at UCLA?  Its has a renowned academic program (we even hear about it in Australia, a legendary coach, a top gym team, an intense and colourful history as well as a beautiful campus and Californian weather!

Now I have only one question to put to other UCLA fans.... What the hell is a Bruin anyway?

Thursday, February 26, 2009

What You Looking At?

Coach:  What did i tell you?  Hair pins!  Your team mates never have this problem!

Random Dude: A bit short for the job, isn't she?
Random Dude Two:  But she's tough.  You watch.
Vanessa: Prepare for total world domination.

Al:  Come on Terin.
Terin:  I don't care if she needs to warm up.  It's my mat and I'm chillaxin'.

Monica:  What did i tell you! Do Not look behind you!

Viktoriya:  This girl is really weird.  
Why does she keep talking about some Beyonce song and crying?  

Zammo:  I don't know what it is.  The judges just seem to hate me.
Ludmilla:  Have you tried straightening your knees?  I've heard they like that.

Khorky: Did you see that?!
Ludmilla:  Prods just tried to do her dismount onto the beam!

Prods:  I cannot look at zis leotard! It eez too funny! 
Laura: What's wrong with it?  I think it's nice.  You should see what they made us wear last year.
Morgan: Can I go now? These girls are insane.

Ludmilla:  I don't know.  I just had a sip of Pav's gatorade and I started to feel funny.

Pavs: Ha Ha! Hic!  

World's Prettiest Leotard Contest Heat 7....


U.S Ribbon

Dasha Violet

Silver Blossom

Korean Pink

Russian Blossom

Classic Blue

As usual vote in the poll at the side!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

World's Worst Leotard Contest Heat 7


Frightening Flouro

OFF the Shoulder

More Whacky Nineties

Putrid Purple Pinstripe

You Only Need to see Half to Believe it.

Japan CAN do Ugly

As usual vote in the poll on the side!


Goodbye To The Triple Full and Double Salto Blogs

Oh Lordy, it seems like the gymnastics ship is sinking and we have deserters.  Only Triple Full and Double Salto are no rats, they are busy people with busy lives.  And I completely and utterly sympathise.
I am gonna miss them though, particularly the Triple Full blog,which for the brief time it was around was a font of gymnastics knowledge.  We were lucky to have that crew translating while we did.  I would often read those lengthy, translated articles and think what a massive undertaking the whole blog was.
I mean, my blog is more gymnastics musings and fripperie and fun and it is still a LOT of work, and technical difficulties frequently make uploading a boring task.  So I can only imagine the amount of work it takes to actually keep up with meets and scores and injuries and up-to-date news.  
So basically what I want to say, both as a blogger, but also as a blog-ee who enthusiastically and admiringly reads a lot of gymnastics blogs, thanks Triple Full and Double Salto, it's been grand.
I wish you well and farewell.
And for all y'all who are lucky enough to have the time and energy to keep plugging away, thanks to you too!

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Dear Jordyn Wieber,

Okay, I like you. 

But let it be known that I didn't want to like you. 

And I certainly didn't want you and your insane, youthful gymnastics talent to give my darling Bridget Sloan the whacking she got on the weekend. So I am still not terribly happy about you winning the Scamerican Cup either.

In fact,there are so many reasons to be wary of you.

The fact that you are doing these ridiculously hard things at your age which means you might burn out before 2011 (or whenever it is they think you will be old enough to compete with the big girls) so I probably shouldn’t even bother getting used to having you around anyway cos it will only end in dissapointment.

That you dance like Shawn Johnson- as in, you don't (Does anyone else find it kind of ironic that Shawn is gonna be in that dancing show when she doesn't actually seem to know how to dance?) (Don't get me wrong, i love Shawn, I really do.  But you gotto admit, it ain't her strong point)

That I kind of can't stand your floor music (in the same way I couldn't stand Kim Zmeskal's back in the day).

That in an interview you described a typical day where all you did was training, schooling and facebooking or myspacing (or wherever the cool kids are making internet chitchat these days) and then going to bed. That does not sound like the making of a well-rounded individual (Okay, I have to blame Liang Chow for my exacerbated intolerance to gymnast's training hours. Now that I know an athlete of the calibre of Johnson can be molded in significantly less training hours, I believe it ought to be possible all the time)

That you look so, so serious when you compete that sometimes you border on being just a tad like Gina Gogean (as in you probably get pity points from the judges for looking so downright depressed)

That you beat Bridget Sloan (Oh, did I say that already? Oh well. It was her turn and you pushed in.  Frankly I will always be a little upset about that).

Okay, and I know this is downright petty, but your name? What is with the ‘y’ in Jordyn? Is it really necessary? (It reminds when my sister decided back in high school to change her name from ‘Kate’ to ‘Kayte’. It was embarrassing.  So really, this might be my baggage, not yours).

So...... I tried not to like you.

But then, I watched your beam routine again and well, it's impossible not to be incredibly impressed by your ridiculous difficulty and the fact that your planche is up there with one Miss Ferarri’s (in fact you remind me a little of her- in a good way). 

Then I watched you vault and who could not grudgingly appreciate that DTY?

Then I watched an interview with you where you were all intensely serious and nervous which was kind of cute and endearing.  Then, when you finally relaxed enough to crack a smile you were so sunny and sweet that I was sold. 

So, after a lot of wanting to not like you, I have decided you are a sweet, massively talented poppet who would be wasted completely if she didn’t make it through the next couple of years (hear that Mr whoever-is-her-coach? You take good care of her) before you can be loosed on an unsuspecting bunch of Chinese poppets at the Worlds or Olympics.

But Jordyn, If we’re gonna be friends, and I mean really friends, there is something I have to ask (other than that you sit down and have a little chat to your mother about the spelling of your name). It is about your floor routine. Look, I can get down with the fact that you aren’t much of a dancer, and that you look a little awkward between those fantastic tumbles.  But I gotta ask....that bit after the second tumbling row? After the high kick, when you look like you are going to do a handstand but you kind of only go a third of the way up, flop back down onto your side, pose and get back up again?


It is only a tiny part of your routine but frankly, it is the weirdest non-thing I have ever seen done on floor. 
I think I have seen a move like it on beam (perhaps Ms Johnson again?) being used as a (pathetic) way to get through the close-to-the-beam requirement. But on floor? 
Now I know its not strictly your fault, and someone probably choreographed it for you.  But surely you can see?  
It's daft, Jordy.  Daft.
(What would they even call it in the Code of Points? The Aborted Handstand to Side Flop? Do they have a section for non-moves?  What could it possibly be worth?  It's such a waste of four seconds it should get a negative bonus.)

Here's how I see it.  Either do a handstand, or have a lie down, but you can’t do both!

I know you probably think this is a little irrational.  But the way I feel about that move is kind of like how I feel about Keira Knightley.  There's nothing wrong with her persay, but she still really, really bugs me.
So can you please fix that?  Talk to your coach.  Fire your choreographer.  Whatever you have to do to clear up this little problem.

Anyway, I'm so glad we had this little chat. Now I hope we can look forward to a long and fruitful friendship throughout the next quad.
                                                                  All the best for your future,
                                                                                                         The Couch Gymnast.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Handstand of the Day....

 A One-Armed Handstand in Utah, Colarado, New Mexico and Arizona!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

The Day Anna Pavs Shared the Tequila.......


Oh I feel verry nice now.
 Zank you Pavs!  
'Ello judges!  'Ello Mr Beam! 
Now I vill just lean here a minute....vait my turn. 
...leesten to a leetle Beyonce. 

I feel jusht fine. Everyzing eez jusht fine. 
You jusht tell me ven zee nice judges ish ready vor me 
and I vill get up!

I vait vor ze music.  
Vait vor ze music.  
Okay, and ve go!!

Okay! Move! 
Oh vot I do again? 
I forget.

Jusht pose!

Oooh! I am zo fierce right now!

Oh I feel a leetle funny. 
Don’t look down! Don’t look down!  
Oh…… too late. 

Quick! do zomezing!

I know! Jazz hands! 
Geev judges jazz handsh!

Move ze hipsh! Oh I am zo Beyonce right now!

And up!!!  

Uh oh. My stomach ez doing ze double fronts.
Oh zis better be over soon.

Okay I done!  You zink ze judges vill notice zat ze music is still playing but i haff stopped?

Somebody pleez, vere eez ze bathroom please?